May Your Apathy Turn to Bile in Your Mouth

Not so long ago, the violent end of a relationship left me feeling disconnected with myself.

We met when we both left our homes on different islands to responded to the aetheric call of a mutual friend, who was suffering from the aftermath of the suicide of a woman from the fringe of her community.

Based on magick and aetheric interests, our friendship grew fast and strong, nearly creating an emotional revolution in the community, but which ended with the two of us choosing to leave because of the blind resistance we were fighting. We were not strong enough to do what we had proposed, and we suffered the consequences together.

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By Anastasia Lobanovskaya

We took strength in our differences, helping each other to create something new.

Again we created a vortex of energy, and faced overwhelmingly violent consequences for trying to achieve what we were not strong enough to manifest.

Despite the support offered by the community during this time, this was the beginning of the end for us.

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My former friend began to systematically eject people from the community, becoming increasingly dogmatic and authoritarian.

Our relationship grew strained, and eventually I was rejected for being “incompatible”.

Various times in the length of our relationship, their opinion had helped me grow towards the person I want to be. How could I throw away their opinion now?

Were it not for the child I was caring for, we would have been alone together, but the alienation grew stronger and I began to believe that they were trying to make me uncomfortable so that I would leave (the passive-aggressive temper tantrums they threw were the only physical anchor I had to not fall completely into self-doubt).

I tried to wait them out, but when a surreal situation occurred which put into question our future in that particular place and simultaneously an opportunity opened up for me to live outside the city in an off the grid community, I realised that this was something I had been begging for from my subconscious.

Why should my day to day be filled with aggressive judgments that I do not live up to someone else’s expectations?

Although, a life time of overly-critical, mostly unconscious thought patterns made it all too easy to start a spiral of self-criticism and doubt.

Was I just running away, after working so hard to build energetic resistance and to be true to myself in the face of external pressures?

With my bags packed and on my way out, this person finally confronted me face to face, to insult me and to essentially throw me out.

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By Oleksandr Pidvalnyi

It took me weeks to realise it, but we were both equally guilty of not being able to walk our own path without being affected by others. But this also got me thinking about how much we should accept behaviour in others which hurt us, and until what point we can allow ourselves to be bothered about things others do which essentially do not put a road block in our path.

For some time I immersed myself in my new community, and I faced a lot of change during this period.

Every now and then, this person would come to mind in the most violent of ways, and after a while I came to suspect that I could still feel them energetically.

After a while I wrote this curse to try to counter what I perceived as energetic attacks.

May your apathy
turn to bile in your mouth,
and your prejudice
build a wall around you
to deprive you
of the love you crave
but are unable to give

Curses can be a powerful way to remove feelings of impotence from difficult situations, while still being able to relinquish control once we believe that the curse will have the effect we intend.

tumblr_inline_p4o6cjPFDm1vn5i4y_1280I made a crude representation of myself and found a mirror shard to draw a glyph on and said an incantation to keep any energies sent by this person towards me in the recipient I made.

The headaches I was having when they came to mind were gone, and slowly they drifted from my thoughts altogether.

My journey continued, and I focused on my personal alignment. I was homeless a few months in another country, and when I returned, my wish to start a new project was manifest with the least of effort on my part, and in the most unexpected of ways.

As my things were moved again, the recipient I had made to ward against this person was disturbed by someone else, and when I found it, it seemed to me to have lost it’s power.

Not long after that, I ran into some friends who, unknown to me, had been living with this person for various months. It seems our mutual “friend” has gained quite the reputation for using and alienating people, and one could easily think that they want to be alone. Without me having prompted them, they also confirmed my suspicions that this person had been hating on me from afar.

Today again, this curse came to mind, and I thought I would share it, as these words proved to be powerful for me.

This has become my go-to curse when I hear of injustice which I cannot influence directly.

This past month has brought closure to me, and I now try to gain an empathetic view of this person’s state of mind or energy… This curse helped me see that the fault was not purely mine, but to find the honest fault in another’s behaviour is almost impossible without a conversation with that person…

This curse gave me strength to reflect back the hurt I had felt and not feel guilty that I was doing something “wrong”. The intentions put into it were to curse them in proportion to their own apathy and social vampirism.

Any culture you decide to look at in history, you will see a theme of Witchcraft emerging as a response to the lack of power. It arises as a tool for justice, a tool to maintain balance and to level the playing field through rebellious spiritual practices.

Mat Auryn

I was also well aware that if I were casting it from a place of prejudice, that the curse was as likely to affect me as it was them.

It seems, in this case, that it was enough to let them know my feelings and to wait for the truth to come up to the surface.

My faith has been strengthened in the idea that physically interacting with physical things is not the only way in which we can affect the world around us.

In my opinion, letting go has a huge role to play in the manifestation of our desires, and this is why I believe that incantations, rituals, and curses are so powerful. Having “enacted” the situation we wish to live,

we can relinquish the desire to control what happens, and let it become.


Do you have any experience with curses? What about opinions on acceptance or judgements? Maybe you have dealt with energetic attacks in a different way, in which case, let me know! 

A magickal online community is for me so important if we pretend to be able to create a shared reality!

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